Completely Random....Do I possibly have adult ADD?

How much do you love this Hermes ad? I swear every time I see it I am left wondering - are those pillows wrapped in Hermes scarves? Are they just massive bolts of Hermes silk? Don't you wish you could do that with your hair? I read just enough french to think that I understand the tagline of the ad which is "Hermes, the life of contentment". Don't you wish that were true? That if someone just had a stack of hermes silk and a cool braid - their life would feel like blissful contentment? The trouble with me is I know 100% for sure that's not true and I want to believe it anyway.

Anyway, my random thoughts sometimes lead me to believe I have adult ADD. Really. It's possible. I was always 'smart' but not very 'focused'. But that sounds like such a cop out because these days practically everyone I know has managed to wrangle a prescription for Adderall or Ritalin out of some doctor. So I keep thinking I'm being smart in NOT going that route. Just play it as it's laid you know? (which by the way is a good, but horrifically depressing book if you've never read it)

Speaking of books, I have started the following books in the past month:

Perfume, Middlesex, Change your Questions Change your Life, What was Lost, Juliet Naked, Death Come to the Archibishop, Happens Every Day, and some other ones I possibly can't remember right now.

Why am I doing that? I've only actually finished to the end two of those. I just randomly read here and there wondering where it was I left off and why these people are fleeing Albania, wasn't I reading about New Mexico? And so on...

By the way I've actually read "Play it as it Lays" twice. The first time I just didn't get it. The second time, I was terrifically depressed and realized just how dead on she was about the futility of life and realized how terrifically depressed you'd have to be just to write that book. Joan Didion.

I sell back a lot of my books to the second hand place. But I randomly keep certain ones. Sometimes I'm not sure if there is a logic to this. I still have Play it as it Lays if you want to borrow it sometime.

I really, really, really, only in the whole wide world want to buy a can of green paint and get started painting that room.

I really really really NEED to only study, study, and study to get through the two classes I am taking right now which was my goal by the end of the month.

My bed is way too comfy. Is that really ever a person's problem? But mine really IS. I love my new sheets and the way my old comforter, which you can't see when the bed is made up, has all these tiny little fuzzy balls of comfort on it. And when I am stressed I rub those little nubs against my face. I have done that since I was so small I was sitting under my mother's sewing machine watching her sew flannel and I kept putting it up to my face. Ever since then I have a horribly weird fixation with such things. My pillows are perfect. That's why I have to try hard to get up and immediately make my bed every day, and never study there or I would never leave it.

Water retention seems like such an unfair thing doesn't it?

I need to get my whole house ready for people to come stay here next week. When is THAT ever going to happen?

I feel guilty in some ways that I used to have a maid. For a long time it was Nivalda from Brazil. I have no idea if she was here legally or not. I have a don't ask don't tell policy when it comes to such things. All I know is my house was never, ever, cleaner or more organized. Wow. Then I had Semiha from Turkey. She used to ask which was East was so she could do her prayers at certain times of the day. Her husband was abusive and she went into hiding in a women's shelter and couldn't clean for me anymore. Then I had Yesenia for years. Often unreliable, but she'd always show up eventually. There was always drama - the drama of people trying to scrape by. I am sympathetic of that kind of drama. Your truck broke down again? Your brother stole your car? Your boyfriend got picked up last night and he's being deported? You're all hiding inside today because INS is roaming your neighborhood? Again, I have don't ask don't tell. She never told me she wasn't here legally. But eventually things got too tough and she had to go back to Acapulco where she was from. One of her children was born in Mexico, but one of them was born here.

This whole illegal immigration thing here in Arizona is turning into such an ugly thing. What bout the kid who's parents brought him here as an infant and he's lived in the US for 24 years now? We can't figure out how to solve these problems? Come on.

I really should be the comptroller. I mean of pretty much everything. Government has an idea? Ask me and I'll tell you what the compromise should be. Church has an idea that seems really good? Check with me first and I'll let you know why it might not work. Corporations should just hire me to analyze their ad campaigns, I swear I would do it for free. And I would just freely be able to say "uhhhh....yeah, what were you thinking guys? Did someone's nephew write this ad and then no one dared point out the stupidity of it? " See I could just say that, because no one is paying me.

I really wish I could just paint that room green today, but I really can't, I really have to construct a case study for my child psych class.

Why do I love taking bubble baths so much? Is it an over-analyzation to say that people who enjoy bubble bath's are trying to get back into some kind of womb-like state and are more zen in their every day life than people who always only take showers? I don't know, but I'd like to know.

My couch is also a recipe for disaster as a place to study. It's soft of comfy and if I'm tired and reading something boring, the next thing I know I am falling asleep.

For that reason I used to always go study at La Grande Orange, it was kind of loud in there, but in a background buzz noise kind of way that allowed me to focus. I could sort of tune all of that out, and just study. Then I got criticized for going there to "study" and I haven't been able to study there ever since. I guess it was hard for the person who criticized me to understand that I needed the noise and the diversionary nature of the place to keep me focused. They must have just thought I wanted to go there because I liked the tuna sandwiches or something. I don't know.

The older I get the more I realize that there are A LOT of things I know for sure. And A LOT of things that I have no clue about. And I realize more and more that No one else knows anything either. They only think they know. But I know that I don't. (that's kind of a riff from my favorite movie "say anything", but it holds up. How many people are willing to say they don't know? Everyone always wants to think they know everything all the time....we hardly ever actually KNOW anything - we certainly don't know what its like to be someone else...we love to make assumptions, but we really don't KNOW).

Angry people scare me. Also confuse me. What's the point? Like these guys that honk at me when I'm driving because the speed limit is 40 and I happen to be driving 35 and they go crazy making a big deal about going around me. What is that about? Look, you and I are going to be at the next stoplight together in 3 minutes. Don't worry about it.

But it also bothers me when I'm in a car with someone yelling at the person who is doing that. Why? What's the point? If that guy wants to drive like a jerk? Go ahead, let him. It's not really hurting you.

We take everything so personally. Because we only have ourselves to look out for all the time. If we looked out for each other all the time, the world we be a different place.

I really want to paint that room green today. It's friday dang it!!!

A lot of the time I am driving around and I see amazing things I wish I could stop and take photos of and then I always feel like "well....I can't stop now! My kids are sitting under a mean old lady's tree in Paradise Valley waiting for me to pick them up, I'm late as it is...I'll come back" - but then life never captures that exact moment again - the way the light was hitting the water with the sun behind that palm tree with that duck sitting there with that homeless guy sitting on the bank- Life never stops when you want it to.

(meanwhile back at the ranch...since I started this, this morning, I've gotten two kids up, ready for school, one dropped off at seminary car pool, the other driven to school "please please please mom can I have a hash brown from McDonalds", pulled over in a neighborhood while she ate her hash brown, listened to a synopsis of how Standard & Poor's rates entire countries like Greece...she got bored and switched to "Hips Don't Lie" by Shakira...I switched back on the way home where someone tried to cut me off on the freeway, and had to get out of the car before they were done explaining it, so I still don't totally understand what is going on with Greece...forgot to take out the garbages last night, did that really quick, realized the lawn guys are coming today, need to make sure my dogs are in....just a sec....okay I'm back, put out a check for Raul...who I think is legal, but again, don't ask, don't tell...and just to be totally honest? I really don't care)

It's not that I don't care or don't have opinions about illegal immigration, you know, I DO. But I'm tired of people trying to make it seem like it's this easy black and white issue. It's not. It's a million shades of gray. Quit trying to turn it into a cutesey slogan. THINK about what you're saying before you say. Study the issue. Look at the ACTUAL statistics. Then we can have a discussion.

So Greece is a mess, illegal immigration is a mess, decent banking regulation seems highly unlikely anytime soon as does getting people as angry at the banks who are screwing them over a lot worse than Jose on the corner looking for a day job. So much misdirected anger. If only we could get people to be more angry at corporate greed. If only we could get people to march in the streets against the guys in the Armani Suits instead of the guys in the hats bent over working in the fields. But I digress...

And guns....

Everyone is all in a tizzy about their gun rights. Why? You have more gun 'rights' than ever before. Especially in Arizona.

Know where Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold bought their weapons for Columbine? At a gun show.

Oh yeah, that's the other book I forgot, I read a whole book on Columbine.

GUNS don't kill PEOPLE, PEOPLE kill PEOPLE, and MONKEYS do too...(if they have a GUN). ~ Eddie Izzard

So anyway...what was I saying?

Oh yeah...do you think it's possible I have adult ADD?