Mike

The other day I was driving home from somewhere when I heard Michael Jackson had died. In a weird way I was sort of surprised by my reaction. First of all I found that I was not all that shocked by it. Second, I sort of didn't feel like I cared very much. I came home and flipped on the TV and everyone seemed to be sort of caught up in this thing that had just happened and I started changing the channel to find something else to watch because...well, I just didn't find the fact that he had died all that compelling and frankly I couldn't work myself up to care about it all that much.

And over the past few days/week or so... (how long has it been since he died? see I don't even know) - I just haven't really thought about it all that much. It's been on the news, he's on the cover of practically every magazine. You'd have to be living in a cave to not know that it's been widely reported that he was likely on heavy doses of prescription medication which, in all likelihood contributed and/or caused his death. I've seen several version of a chart that shows the changes of his face over the years. I didn't watch the memorial or pay all that much attention to any of the details. I saw some photos of his children and remarked that they are very pretty kids. It was sort of heartbreaking to see that youngest one (Blanket...seriously, I will never get over that name...I've come to accept weird celebrity children names like "Apple" and "Inspector" and even "Kal-el" but I will never get used to "Blanket" as a name...I think Michael made that up when he was being interviewed on that one documentary because he didn't want to give out the real name...I still refuse to believe that is the kids name) holding a doll of his father during the memorial. How seriously sad is that? And I thought his little girl talking about her father was also heart wrenching. But otherwise, my emotions have just been...well, nonexistent really.

Some background. I grew up never remembering a time when "The Jacksons" didn't exist. They were on lunch pails and Saturday Morning Cartoons when I was kid. They were all over the place. And Michael, was a cute as a bugs ear. By the time I hit Jr. High I had a crush on him. One of my first 8 tracks was "Off the Wall" which I listened to over and over again. I even had a Michael Jackson poster on the back of my bedroom door. By the time High School came around (Junior Year to be exact) Billie Jean was all the rage and Michael was about to astound us all with his moonwalk. Honestly, there wasn't much cooler than Michael Jackson long about 1984. Around this time Michael also seemed to be getting a little bit paler and his nose seemed to be getting a little bit more narrow. I remember him saying in an interview that he was just losing all his "baby fat" and I sort of bought into that version of reality for a while. I loved Thriller but his narrower nose and lighter skin were even more apparent by then.

It wasn't long before he was "Bad" and a "Smooth Criminal" and I sort of started to loose interest. Bubbles the Chimp? And why did his nose keep disappearing? I liked the old black Michael better and I wasn't too sure about this new white one. Then Neverland Ranch got all weird. And then the accusations started. He just seemed to get more bizarre by the year. Every once in a while he would intrigue me again. I really liked the "Scream" video he did with Janet. I thought "Remember the Time" was a catchy song. And the music video he did with Naomi Campbell for the song "In the Closet" was gorgeous. Every once in a while I would catch some footage of him dancing and realize, he was still amazingly talented. But his talent seemed to be eclipsed by his strangeness. Lisa Marie? Kids with Debbie Rowe? The Martin Bashir documentary? Hello? The man seemed to lose all sense of reality.

So when I saw some old footage of him from the Off the Wall era the other day I remembered why I had liked him so much in the first place. He had so much energy and vibrancy and everything he did seemed cool. He was talented. Really, really talented.


So today, I bought a few songs on itunes that I remembered fondly. And sometime in there, while listening to all these songs that made me feel happy back in 1979, I shed one single solitary tear for Michael. Which suprised me, because up until that moment, I just had not felt anything about him dying. But I realized that I was sad for that Michael. For lost potential. For all the things that can go wrong in a persons life. For all the little things that add up to big things.

I don't pretend to know what all went wrong in Michaels life and how much of it was self-created problems and how much of it might have been mental illness, or drug addiction or a multitude of other things. All I am saying is that it's complicated isn't it?

Did he molest all those young boys? I have no idea. It didn't look too good did it? Either way it's tragic. It's tragic if he did and it's tragic if he didn't.

In our celebrity obsessed culture we seem to have an appetite for chewing people up and spitting them out. So many talented people seem to be ruined by their own success don't they?

What am I even saying? I don't know. I guess what I'm saying is that I'll always really like the late 70s early 80s version of Michael. Listening to PYT will probably always put me in a good mood. And it will be a long, long time before someone with as much raw talent as Michael will come along again.

Color Decisions I'm Happy With!

I'm happy with how all the bold colors turned out, here's a slideshow of a pretty much completed back yard.

Peace in a World of Conflict

This morning I've perused a long list of political articles, and read a few left leaning and right leaning blogs. Wow, we are really conflicted in this country!

Last week I ran into someone at a store who I know is rabidly right leaning. Perhaps rabid is a harsh term. But it's fairly accurate. Everything this person believes from a political stand point is in direct opposition to everything I believe politically. But this person and I happen to belong to the same church. Which makes all the difference.

I realized as I stood talking to this person that I have nothing but deep down in my heart good feelings towards them. I thought about that later in the evening and I felt especially peaceful about it. How nice is it that the gospel gives us that power to feel at peace.

I'm not saying I'm able to have that feeling about EVERYONE at church all the time. There are a few people I have a hard time with. But it has nothing to do with their politics. If I think someone is inherently mean spirited, I have a hard time feeling charitable towards them. But I try. I try to figure out what makes a person the way that they are and to evolve myself to better feelings about them. But I digress...

My point is that we can disagree with our fellow church goers on points of politics while maintaining good feelings. Here's an excellent talk from a recent Ensign article I thought was especially apt, enjoy:

I have a friend who is a member of a political panel that is seen each week on national television. Explaining her role, she said, “We are encouraged to speak before thinking!” We appear to be living in an era in which many are speaking without thinking, encouraging emotional reactions rather than thoughtful responses. Whether it be on the national or international stage, in personal relations or in politics, at home or in the public forum, voices grow ever more strident, and giving and taking offense appear to be chosen rather than inadvertent.

The Lord has warned that from the beginning and throughout history, Satan would stir up people’s hearts to anger. 1 In the Book of Mormon, Laman set a pattern of so murmuring as to stir anger, to stoke rage, and to incite murder. 2 Time and again in the Book of Mormon, we find deluded and wicked men inciting rage and provoking conflict. In the days of Captain Moroni, the apostate Amalickiah inspired “the hearts of the Lamanites against the people of Nephi.” 3 Amulon and the wicked priests of Noah; Nehor; Korihor; and Zoram the apostate (the dishonor roll goes on throughout the Book of Mormon) were agitators who inspired distrust, fueled controversy, and deepened hatreds.

In speaking to Enoch, the Lord indicated that both the time of His birth and the time preceding His Second Coming would be “days of wickedness and vengeance.” 4 And the Lord has said that in the last days, wrath shall be poured out upon the earth without mixture. 5Wrath is defined both as the righteous indignation of God and as the very human instances of impetuous ardor and deep or violent anger. The former arises from the concern of a loving Father whose children are often “without affection, and they hate their own blood,” 6 whereas the latter wrath arises from a people “without order and without mercy, … strong in their perversion.” 7 I fear the earth is experiencing both wraths, and I suspect the divine wrath is very much provoked by those who are stirring up the hearts of men to wickedness, slander, and violent hatreds.

The first casualties of human wrath are truth and understanding. James counseled that we be “swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.” 8 As Enoch observed, God’s throne is one of peace, justice, and truth. 9 Whether they be false friends or unrighteous teachers, artists or entertainers, commentators or letter writers to local newspapers, seekers of power or wealth, beware of those who stir us up to such anger that calm reflection and charitable feelings are suppressed.

Alma at the waters of Mormon invited those who would enter into a covenant relationship with God to stand as witnesses of God and to bear one another’s burdens. 10 As those who have indeed entered into a sacred covenant, we must remain true to the way, the truth, and the life, who is Jesus Christ.

Have we who have taken upon us the name of Christ slipped unknowingly into patterns of slander, evil speaking, and bitter stereotyping? Have personal or partisan or business or religious differences been translated into a kind of demonizing of those of different views? Do we pause to understand the seemingly different positions of others and seek, where possible, common ground?

I recall that as a graduate student I wrote a critique of an important political philosopher. It was clear that I disagreed with him. My professor told me that my paper was good, but not good enough. Before you launch into your criticism, she said, you must first present the strongest case for the position you are opposing, one that the philosopher himself could accept. I redid the paper. I still had important differences with the philosopher, but I understood him better, and I saw the strengths and virtues, as well as limitations, of his belief. I learned a lesson that I’ve applied across the spectrum of my life.

General Andrew Jackson, as he walked along the line at the Battle of New Orleans, said to his men, “Gentlemen, elevate your guns a little lower!” I think many of us need to elevate our “guns” a little lower. On the other hand, we need to raise the level of private and public discourse. We should avoid caricaturing the positions of others, constructing “straw men,” if you will, and casting unwarranted aspersions on their motivations and character. We need, as the Lord counseled, to uphold honest, wise, and good men and women wherever they are found and to recognize that there are “among all sects, parties, and denominations” those who are “kept from the truth [of the gospel] because they know not where to find it.” 11 Would we hide that light because we have entered into the culture of slander, of stereotyping, of giving and seeking offense?

It is far too easy sometimes to fall into a spirit of mockery and cynicism in dealing with those of contrary views. We demoralize or demean so as to bring others or their ideas in contempt. It is a primary tool of those who occupy the large and spacious building that Father Lehi saw in vision. 12 Jude, the brother of Christ, warned that “there should be mockers in the last time, who should walk after their own ungodly lusts. These be they who separate themselves, sensual, having not the Spirit.” 13

Closely related to mockery is a spirit of cynicism. Cynics are disposed to find and to catch at fault. Implicitly or explicitly, they display a sneering disbelief in sincerity and rectitude. Isaiah spoke of those who “watch for iniquity” and “make a man an offender for a word, and lay a snare for him that reproveth in the gate, and turn aside the just for a thing of nought.” 14 In this regard, the Lord has counseled in latter days that we “cease to find fault one with another” and “above all things, clothe [ourselves] with the bond of charity, as with a mantle, which is the bond of perfectness and peace.” 15

President George Albert Smith observed, “There is nothing in the world more deleterious or harmful to the human family than hatred, prejudice, suspicion, and the attitude that some people have toward their fellows, of unkindness.” 16 In matters of politics, he warned, “Whenever your politics cause you to speak unkindly of your brethren, know this, that you are upon dangerous ground.” 17 Speaking of the great mission of the latter-day kingdom, he counseled: “This is not a militant church to which we belong. This is a church that holds out peace to the world. It is not our duty to go into the world and find fault with others, neither to criticize men because they do not understand. But it is our privilege, in kindness and love, to go among them and divide with them the truth that the Lord has revealed in this latter day.” 18

The Lord has constituted us as a people for a special mission. As He told Enoch in ancient times, the day in which we live would be one of darkness, but it would also be a time when righteousness would come down from heaven, and truth would be sent forth out of the earth to bear, once more, testimony of Christ and His atoning mission. As with a flood, that message would sweep the world, and the Lord’s elect would be gathered out from the four quarters of the earth. 19 Wherever we live in the world, we have been molded as a people to be the instruments of the Lord’s peace. In the words of Peter, we have been claimed by God for His own, to proclaim the triumph of Him “who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light: Which in time past were not a people, but are now the people of God.” 20 We cannot afford to be caught up in a world prone to give and to take offense. Rather, as the Lord revealed to both Paul and Mormon, we must neither envy nor be puffed up in pride. We are not easily provoked, nor do we behave unseemly. We rejoice not in iniquity but in the truth. Surely this is the pure love of Christ which we represent. 21

In a world beset by wrath, the prophet of our day, President Gordon B. Hinckley, has counseled: “Now, there is much that we can and must do in these perilous times. We can give our opinions on the merit of the situation as we see it, but never let us become a party to words or works of evil concerning our brothers and sisters in various nations on one side or the other. Political differences never justify hatred or ill will. I hope that the Lord’s people may be at peace one with another during times of trouble, regardless of what loyalties they may have to different governments or parties.” 22

As true witnesses of Christ in the latter days, let us not fall into the darkness so that, in the words of Peter, we “cannot see afar off,” but let us be fruitful in the testimony of Christ and His restored gospel, in thought, in speech, in deed. 23 God lives. Jesus Christ is the way, the truth, and the life. Joseph Smith, the great prophet of the Restoration, was the instrument by which we have been constituted as a people, led even today by a prophet of God, President Gordon B. Hinckley. Let us daily renew in our hearts the pure love of Christ and overcome with our Master the darkness of the world.

In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Crazy 8's

My friend Suzanne Barker tagged me to play Crazy Eights. So here are the rules:

1. Mention the person who tagged you. (See above)
2. Complete the list of 8's.
3. Tag 8 other bloggers.
4. Tell them they have been tagged.

Eight Things I look Forward to:

1. Going to Disneyland with the whole family next month.
2. Getting started on some new classes for my degree soon.
3. Figuring out where the next big vacation will be: maybe a cruise, maybe something tropical, maybe the Greek Islands.
4. Going to New England with Kirk to visit my sister in law sometime in the next year.
5. Getting the back yard project TOTALLY finished.
6. Being able to eat a few carbs again.
7. Buying a new car in the next year sometime (I think...but my car just keeps on going and going and I keep on putting it off).
8. Honestly it's sort of hard to limit this to eight - I look forward to stuff all the time; the next bubble bath, a visit to a gallery or art museum, a new movie to see, eating out somewhere new, going to my kids swim and dive meets...I'm easily amused.

Eight Things I did yesterday:

1. Dropped Jordan off at the Stake Center to go to girl's camp.
2. Shopped for dinner at AJ's (I should never go there...I always want to buy everything in all the fancy little packages).
3. Got lunch at Quizno's with Holden (they have a black & blue salad that works well on the diet).
4. Took some time to read a book (which I never do during the day usually).
5. Was weirded out by how much time I had on my hands since both Brennan and Jordan were out of town - realized that I will HAVE to work when they are gone for good because I will lose my mind - who knew they took up so much of my daily time?
6. Cleaned the house for a dinner party.
7. Had some friends over for dinner.
8. Did some laundry.

Eight Things I Wish I could do:

1. Be done with school already!
2. Travel whenever I feel like it.
3. Go to Paris.
4. Go back to Scotland again.
5. Eat anything I feel like and not gain weight.
6. Be a professional dancer.
7. Have a positive attitude all the time no matter what.
8. Do I have to limit it to eight? The places I want to visit alone would take all day! Small sample: England (again), Greece, Italy, Switzerland, Germany, Africa, Israel, Caribbean, New York, visit all the major art museums in the world, etc., etc., etc.

Eight Shows I watch:

1. Project Runway
2. Dexter
3. United States of Tara
4. The Office
5. 30 Rock
6. Flipping Out
7. Medium
8. The City

Eight Friends I am Tagging:

1. Shando Rando
2. Cindi Tanner
3. Geri Chase
4. Lindsey Williams
5. I have very few "internet/blog friends"
6. so anyone else who
7. cares to play is
8. welcome (Suzanne tagged most of my other friends!)

Vacation Disasters?

Cindy (AKA Cynthia) tagged me to do a post of vacation disasters. I am honestly having a hard time thinking of one - we usually (knock on wood) have really great vacations that go very smoothly. Which is possibly why I like vacations so much.

The only thing that comes to mind is more in the realm of financial stress which occurred while on vacation. The vacation was still really fun and I have fond memories of it - but it was very stressful while it was happening.

We were vacationing up the coast of California - up highway 1. I LOVE that vacation. We started out at Universal Studios in LA and then drove up to Ventura, stayed at the beach, went to Hearst Castle, stayed in Morro Bay, went to Carmel and Big Sur, and then on to San Francisco and stayed in this really awesome hotel in Knob Hill - we did all the usual San Francisco stuff and stayed there for several days and threw in one day up to Tracy California to visit Kirk's sister and then drove back down the coast again, stopping at Monterey and Morro Bay again on our way home. It was lovely.

However. Right before we left I made sure we had enough money in the account to pay for the trip. I knew it would be kind of expensive but I had it planned out pretty well. I had bought the tickets to Universal Studios online through what I thought was the usual Universal Studio ticket system (I'm still unclear about whether it was or not) - my tickets were slightly cheaper that way and had come by Fed Ex before we left. Included in the deal was our hotel room in Studio City. The day before we left I checked my bank account and ALL of my money was gone. It took a while to figure out but when I bought my tickets they stole my credit card number (which was really my debit card) and someone in Coral Gables Florida (where the tickets came from) was using it to withdraw money from my account. I am still not even sure how they did this. They looked like withdrawal transactions you would have to have the pin number to use - but somehow, they were able to do it through some kind of dishonest banking situation there. Eventually it turned out to be a little group of 3 people who were involved in doing this to multiple people. The bank would return my money but not immediately - in the meantime, I was ready to head out like the next day.

Luckily, my friend was able to loan us the money for a couple of days until the bank could put the money back. So disaster averted.

Or so I thought.

In the middle of the trip I went to withdraw some cash and once again, there is almost no money in the account - I freaked out. So I called the bank to try to figure out what was going on. Apparently, when I agreed to make a payment on my state of Arizona tax bill the lady I set up the payment with at the state entered it as paying the full amount instead of the 3 separate payments - I had authorized them to withdraw the money, but not that amount and all at once. So I am in the middle of San Francisco, about to catch a boat to Alcatraz, with next to no money in the bank. We don't really believe in using credit cards so while most people would probably just pull out their credit card and start charging, that's not really an option.

So I call my friend in a panic. She has already loaned me all the money she has to get me on the trip in the first place so I know she doesn't have any more money now. But somehow it all got worked out - another friend happened to be holding on to some money that she didn't need to be paid back for a month and I could borrow it from her. They put the money in my bank account almost immediately and my family never really knew disaster was averted.

It was very stressful there for an hour or so!

But I still fondly remember the vacation even though there was financial stress involved. Luckily it all worked out with the bank returning my money and I was able to pay the other friend back as soon as we got home. In situations like that you feel 1) really thankful for great friends and 2) thankful that Heavenly Father looks out for us! Anyway that's how I felt. There was a lot of stress in our life at that time and we really needed the vacation and even though it seemed like everything conspired against us to keep us from being able to go - somehow it all got worked out!

Okay I tag Shando and anyone else who wants to play along!

Don't Be Shy...

Next week I'll take some time to document some of my new back yard including some of the final color choices I made (all of which I am super happy with!) -

In the meantime I offer some of my online finds for rooms I love filled with color. I love color. Don't shy away from color kiddo's - it will make your life more interesting and possibly even improve your mood!

Are these not the best? Someday I am going to have a hot pink room. I haven't quite figured out what room or when that's going to happen - but someday, I'm doing it.

Things to Love about Phoenix

There are a lot of things I love about Phoenix...

This time of year, everyone starts to complain about the heat, but I think the city is still so vibrant and alive, even in the summer when it's too hot to expend too much energy. Bright colors are reflected everywhere by that ever present sun. I love spending time by the swimming pool and enjoy even the heat until about August when I get ready for it to cool down...

Kirk and I went on a photo safari last Sunday evening and got some good shots. Just thought I would share some of the things I love about this town.

Not To Pile On But...I Totally Called It

Several months ago I had a vaguely weird dream which woke me up. When I woke up my first thought (though I did not remember the dream very clearly) was "Kate Gosselin has sold her soul to the devil". I said this aloud while lying there in bed. Kirk looked at me very strangely.

I explained to him that from a psychological stand-point, I really felt there were bad things in store for the children and for the Gosselins.

Let me clarify for those of you who somehow missed the phenomenon of Jon & Kate plus 8. The show chronicles the lives of parents of multiples - one set of twins and one set of sextuplets. I never really watched the show much. At first Kirk watched it once in a while. I think he found it soothing to watch someone dealing with the chaos of multiples - it made our life seem calm and sedate by contrast. Eventually I caught a few episodes here and there (it's on TLC almost all day sometimes). My daughter thought it was fun to watch. My best friend Shannon somehow developed a crush on Jon (not exactly sure what that's all about!). So I became gradually aware of the show. But usually I found Kate slightly annoying. She harps on Jon too much and she's too controlling with the kids. Control-freakishness is difficult for me to watch, it makes my skin crawl a little - so usually, I could never watch a whole episode.

But the kids are cute and how can you not wish this seemingly somewhat normal if noisy household the best? How can you not admire them for giving it a valiant go? So, if not a total fan of Kate, I still felt that I could understand the appeal of the show and certainly, I could understand the appeal of the cute factor of the children. Plus if you're a mom struggling with potty training one kid, I would imagine watching an episode of Kate trying to train 6 of them at the same time would be hugely reassuring.

But then...gradually, things about the show started to bug me.

Why are they ALWAYS going on vacation? When did Jon quit working and what does he do exactly? Why are Kate's parents completely out of the picture? Why does Kate have friends and people who seem to help with the kids and then suddenly, it seems they are written out of the show? What happened to that pretty Aunt Jody who used to be around and suddenly isn't? Why is Kate being psychotic about insisting that they ALL go to the furniture store to pick out furniture with the kids in tow? I only had two toddlers at once and even I know that's a terrible idea. Who is paying for all this product placement? Wow! They are getting a lot of free crap. Kate's fronting like she's worried about money, worried about how much she is spending on the bunk beds but she's making like $75,000 per episode! Come on! Suddenly they are moving into a giant compound like mansion on a bajillion acres and I'm suppose to still feel sorry for the struggle of a mom with multiples with a husband with a low paying tech job? The whole premise of the whole show is blown by the success of the show. Man these kids are whiny, whiny, whiny. Kate is getting shrill and awful. Kate is getting very tan. Kate is getting thinner. Jon now has hair plugs. Kate's clothing is getting expensive. and handbags. When they filmed a renewal of wedding vows ceremony in Hawaii last year I thought it seemed like the most joyless exercise in futility I've ever seen. That's when I knew it was effectively over for Jon & Kate.

You can't allow your personal life to become your job and not have it affect your personal life. Especially for the kids.

Remember back when the Dionne Quintuplets were born and the Canadian government practically set them up as a roadside attraction and then later we all thought that was horrible? The girls did not turn out well. What's different about this?

And consider:

Kate and Jon had only been married a little over a year when she decided to try fertility drugs to get pregnant with the twins. Then not long after that they tried it again when they got the sextuplets. Who does that? Who jumps right into fertility drugs so early? I think it's weirdly suspect. We've all thought octo-mom has lost her mind but is Kate really that different? And where do you suppose octo-mom got the idea in the first place?

Now it's all gone to hell in a handbasket. Kate and Jon are on the cover of most of the tabloids this month. A new season of Jon and Kate is starting next week. Divorce is in the air. Mark my words, this is going to get uglier and uglier.

And for the record, any of you out there thinking of starring in your own reality television show, consider these marriages and families from recent years:









Yep, all divorced now and/or kids seriously jacked up.

If Jon and Kate put their kids on a regular tv program and lived in California, child labor laws would prevent them from being on camera the amount of time they are on camera while being filmed at their home in Pennsylvania. Kate says they are trapped now - that in order to make a living they have to continue because this is their source of income.

Mark my words there is more trouble ahead for these kids. Kate will not stop though. I guarantee you it's going to become the Kate plus 8 minus 1 show. It will be all about how Kate copes with the divorce and being a single parent. The kids will be the fodder of the tabloids for years and years to come. As teens things will get really ugly. Look what often happens to child stars - how is this any different? It's actually far worse, because rather than playing a 'character' the character is themselves. A recipe for disaster.