Sunday, April 15, 2007

little wounded sparrow, i


little wounded sparrow, i
Originally uploaded by McBeth.

So last night we had the bbq (I NEVER know the proper spelling for that odd word) for all of the people from Art One Gallery. It ended up being Kraig, Jeffrey, Andy and his girlfriend and then Holden invited Noelle. It was nice. I think they had an okay time despite the fact that most bbq's they attend probably involve alcohol. We tried to make up for that by buying a bunch of pop from pops soda shop in Scottsdale. But I'm not sure it did the trick.

At any rate, I did enjoy myself and I found myself spending quite a lot of time talking with Andy. I don't know how old Andy is exactly - he is college age but just barely. I think he either graduated last year or the year before - I think the year before, which means he's probably about 20. The more I find out about these boys that Kraig seems to take in as employees the more they seem like wounded little birds to me. So fragile and so difficult at th same time. Wounded birds really don't want to be held most of the time - particularly if they are wild, and yet that is what is required to help them.

I realized at some point I was giving Andy advice that I really believed in for Andy but I also realized Holden could over-hear what I was saying and I had to stop myself mid-sentence and say "this doesn't apply to you- this only applies to Andy!" And by that I just meant that I expect more from Holden. And then I started to wonder about how fair that is. I mean, Andy has tried college two different semesters and dropped out both times and he really has no clue what he wants to do with his life. His work ethic is good but he would rather stumble on a get rich quick scheme than really figure out a plan. And he has this absolutely stunningly gorgeous girlfriend who is going to be a pre-med major next year at UofA and I just don't have the heart to tell him - Andy this isn't going to work. She might really love it - and I have that romantic bit in me that wants things to be like John Cusack and Ione Skye in "Say Anything" where in the end he ends up going to England w/ Ione (Diane) and she turns to him at one point and she says "people don't think we are going to work...people don't think we are going to last do they?" and here she is going off to Oxford on some great oppportunity and here Cusack is just being...well, mostly he's interesting in kickboxing and just being Diane's boyfriend. And he turns to her and he says one of the most romantic things ever - he says "you've just described every great success story". And I have always LOVED that. Loved that about that movie and thought I really sorta believed in that. Because I know what that's like to have someone not believe in your life - in your ideas, in your love story even.

But there was this part of me yesterday looking at Andy's girlfriend Julia and she's just pretty in this classically great sense - like there's no way she's ever going to loose her looks because it's just not possible. And there's Andy. And he's skinny and sorta indy looking and she probably thinks he's a really cool boyfriend to have right now and maybe there's even a bit of a rebellion to it - I have no idea, she doesn't seem like the rebellious type but who knows. But I just thought "Oh Andy...." this can't work. If you don't get some kind of plan together you are not going to be able to stay together.

And I think that's made me sorta sad today. Like I really want that ending of "Say Anything" to really be true. I really want Lloyd Dobbler to be a real guy out there and I want to see that story really come to life - and this is the closest thing I've ever seen. But I guess somewhere inside me...I just don't know if it will happen.

So yeah....wounded sparrows. Kraig seems to find them everywhere. And he's prettty good at fixing them back up and sending them off into the world again. I'm not sure how good he is at taking care of himself - but taking care of other people, that seems to be his forte. And I don't think he has any real idea how much better he has made our lives and how much richer we are for knowing him.

And then I realize - I am so much like him in a sense. Not exactly - I mean, he tends to find little wounded birds that are almost exact replica's of the type of wounded bird he was at their same age - (and I suspect deep down...still just as wounded, but more functional and directed). And I guess I do that too - I guess I much more interested in people with a story. People with an issue. People who have that little missing peice. And I guess that is just part of the legacy of being a kind of a wounded sparrow myself.

You can fix a wounded bird. But I'm not sure if they're ever really the same. I think somehow, their wings never quite work right, or their skittish, or they don't survive in the wild. There's always some kind of permanent damage done.

And it sure is easy to find all the other wounded birds too - and oh so many of us there are.

1 comment:

CaliZona said...

That's actually a finch variety...he's sweet.

I call this issue the "broken-winged bird" syndrome. Usually those who are nursing a gimpy wing are so dysfunctional they are a black hole to all energy around them; fluttering helplessly in a circle. They cannot foster a healthy view of themselves or life; they require exhausting amounts of time and attention and - ultimately, tend to turn around and bite you for your trouble.

I guess in this case it might be "peck".

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