Monday, September 07, 2009

The Tale of Rodney Jones

We miss this kid! I can't believe he's been gone almost a month.

But we are so happy he is doing so well! Anyone who wants to read his letters home can do so at the website I mentioned earlier - we are editing them for content mainly when he is talking about other people who might not want their personal info spread around the internet (there is one boy who is really homesick and who I am not sure is going to make it and I try to edit out all that info along with a few other things, or I edit out of Noelle's letters where he tells her he loves a bajillion times) but I am copying and pasting one of his stories here because it cracks me up so much. Maybe I am the only one who thinks it's really funny, because I can hear Holden's voice so much when I read this story and Holden is nothing, if not a funny story teller. Sometimes I feel badly for people who don't really know Holden very well. He is hilarious. I think that's what I miss the most about him - all the funny little things he says and all of our inside jokes. He's always making up words and phrasing or quoting from weird movies. I miss our jokey way of talking to each other. So this story cheered me up in that regard. But otherwise, he is just doing so well - he is learning the language and although it's challenging he loves the challenge of it - and I think he's really making the most of his time and trying so hard to give everything his all. I'm very pleased.

Anyway - the tale of Rodney Jones, by Elder Holden Hays:

On that Tuesday we were supposed to be at the front desk by 4:00 am. So
apparently in the middle of the night I dropped my alarm clock and it
got broked! :( Anyways so me and Elder Spencer wake up at 4:10 am
oops, anyways we woke up to someone calling our names over the intercom
& just threw on whatever clothing we had lying around [editorial note: insert
cyrillic words here, which he then says means "no bueno" or for the
non-spanish speakers "no good"
]. Anyways it sucked and we ran and I
forgot my wallet so we ran back and then I forgot my tag so we ran back
AGAIN and it was sucks [editorial note: I hope most of you know Holden well enough to realize that he actually knows this is terrible English, it's an inside jokey way of talking because he says "it was sucks" because of a Russian kid in his high school who didn't know how to use the term "it sucks" and would say "it was sucks", so he's being funny...] because my asthma kicked in and it just was not
fun at all. So we got in the car by 4:45 and we got to the airport
& we had to wait there for two hours for our plane. So we wanted
to do some contacting but there were only mormons or people who spoke
mandarin chinese. So yeah. We didn't get to talk to anyone really.
While we were waiting Elder R. tried to call home. He asked our Branch
President and the 1st counselor in our Branch Presidency if he could
and they both said he shouldn't, anyways he went to use the phone and
he claims that he chose not to do it, but his companion says it didn't
work so he gave up. We fly to LA & I draw the whole time and write
graffiti for sister Dodge and take a tiny nap. When we get there the
number that we call for a ride works but the guy hardly speaks english
so we really don't know if he is coming but he shows up. Then we drove
to the Bulgarian consulate which I'm pretty sure is right next to lamp
sexpo. No joke! I think we were really close to it! [ed note: This is also an inside "you had to be there" kind of joke, but a couple of weeks ago when we were in LA we were driving around downtown in an area where there are a lot of furniture stores and I was noticing that in the advertising a lot of the stores use "sex" or "sexy" to describe the decor and the furniture, which seemed over the top to me - just excessive use of terms like that, and then also, we drove through a large section of West Hollywood, which if you know anything about West Hollywood is...well, it has a lot of references to sex all over the place...anyway we are on this one street and I look up at the huge sign on a building and I see this sign that says LAMP SEXPO and I say aloud "what in the heck?" they are using the word sex to sell lamps now? What is a Lamp Sexpo?" And Holden says "Uhh...Mom, I think that says Lamps Expo" after which we all busted up laughing for a good long while and it still makes me laugh when I think about it now]

While waiting I
had a cactus cooler. mmmmmm. The actual consulate was a tiny little
room that all 6 of us could barely fit in and we just had to sign
something. Then the story of Rodney Jones happens. It goes a little
something like this:

A man walks up to us outside the Bulgarian Consulate (he looks
semi-homeless - whatever that means). He said "Whatch y'all doin'
here?" and we told him we were getting our Visas. Then he said
"VISA'S!" I can get you THOSE for CHEAP!" Then he starts taking these
cards out of his pocket and we told him "No Thanks" and that our church
was paying for ours. He asks us what church we were from and we told
him and then he said "Who's your leader?" and we told him Thomas
Monson. The he said "Yo! Have him Gimmie a call, Cause I just Got a
HUNDRED million Dolla's worth of credit!" Then Sister N. retardedly says "OH we have our own ways of getting money, we have
farm land and tithing & the Lord". While saying this she is hiding
behind me and my companion so that we will get shanked first. Then he
said "Ya'll are Prejudice!" and Elder R. said "No man, you know, we're
cool". I half expected Sister N to say "No, blacks can have the
priesthood since 1978" but fortunately for me and my companions, she
did not. Then Rodney says "Yo! How many blacks y'all got in your
church?" and Sister N. replies (AND this is no Joke guys) "12.5
million" and we all turn and stare at her and she says "well, he wanted
to hear a number..." Then he walks away after leaving us his card that
says "Rodney Jones, PO Box 8135482" And that was the last we heard of
Rodney Jones. Then we got an In n Out Burger and Elder R. disappeared
but he just went outside for some fresh air. Then we flew home
& that's about it. Fun day!


Noelle said...

I couldn't have said what you said at the top better myself. I can totally hear him using his funny voices in this story :)

Suzanne Barker said...

That was a great story Lezlee! Thanks for sharing all that about Holden, because I don't know him well and wouldn't have caught all the references.

Lindsey said...

I love it! All of it! Sister N sounds amazingly entertaining. But my favorite part of this post was Lamp Sexpo. I had tears streaming down my face. Nathan just stared at me (annoyed) and paused his show until I was done guffawing.

Bandanamom said...

I'm glad to know I am not the only one who thought this was hilarious. Yes, he's loving Sister N! Lamp Sexpo might be my favorite moment ever. I laughed so hard.


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