Out of Sorts

Dudes.

I don't even really know exactly what "out of sorts" is suppose to mean.  I could look up the exact definition of the term or whatever but I'm just flying by the seat of my pants here so no time for that really.  I just seems to fit where I'm at right now.

I'm not depressed, I'm kind of stressed, I'm very distracted, I'm often forgetful, I'm definitely tired, I've been a little sick, I'm no longer much of a fan of the holidays (I know sad, and shame on me and all of that but...I'm trying okay, and that's about the best I can do right now), I'm oddly obsessive about random things which I can never quite figure out about myself.  I've said before it seems very close to an adult form of ADD.  But maybe everyone is sort of like that and they just don't talk about it?

Nah.  I know that's not really true either because I know lots of people who are really focused and task oriented and all of that - and somehow, that's just never going to be me.  And I felt bad about that for a long time - I mean, that's the way we are all suppose to be right?  Or somehow I got that idea somewhere along the way.  But I dunno - it seems like that sucks a whole lot of fun and spontaneous what-not out of my life if I even try to do that too much.  I get kind of snappy at my kids and I'm not a fan of that whole 'be on top of things and get stuff done' thing.

I'm not saying I don't like to get things done either.  I do.  But it's more like I have this rotating list in my head of stuff and suddenly it will just be THE DAY to do that particular thing.  I might have been thinking about that thing for months and suddenly it will just be like "oh, todays the day to paint that room!  okay then".  That's just how my life works best.  And I'm okay with that.

Anyway...

so I am super super super busy right now.  And I'm not DOING that much but I'm just super super busy.  We only have one car at the moment and my kids school isn't close by, and my oldest kid's college is kind far and then he also has a work schedule for us to pay attention to, and between just that driving people around business sometimes I'm like "uhhhh...am I going to even be able to get all these people where they need to be on time today??"  Life gets a little more complex when your children are adults or nearly adults and they all have their schedules which you don't have that much control over any more.  Do you know?  And then I am just all about my math class whenever my free time allows for math.  By that I mean that if I'm not driving up and down the 51, or trying to catch up my laundry or running to Walgreens for posters for the school project or you know, whatever, then I'm sitting in front of some math problems.  Luckily, I have found a wonderful tutor so I feel like I"m finally making some progress in that department.

Anyway  - what I'm saying is that I'm kind of out of sorts.  And I when I feel PARTICULARLY out of sorts I kind of fixate on unimportant things.  like:

I totally dig the blog Nat the Fat Rat.  I think I am obsessed with that blog because I think it feels like I should have a life a little more like hers sometimes.  I'm in good company though.  Even Salon.com wrote a recent article on why many women are obsessed wit the hip mormon mommy bloggers.

In addition I can get unduly excited about learning that Sofia Coppola is working on a new movie.  You have no idea how many times this year I've watched "Somewhere" (a movie with a very limited fan base by the way) just as a exercise in good mental health.

I can plan a pretend trip to Italy and spend a good hour mapping out exactly what I would do.  It's crazy.  I mean, you know, hopefully someday I'll be able to put all that random trip planning knowledge to good use, but that's not going to be for quite a while.

One day I spent about an hour looking at different companies who make macaroons.  And analyzing if macaroons are the new cupcake.  And if so, shouldn't someone be opening a Macaroon joint in Phoenix sometime soon. And are there good macaroon companies who ship over-night?

I know right?  the least important things I should be doing.  I resist it as much as possible.  But sometimes it just has to happen.

Because sometimes when you're out of sorts?  the only way to sort yourself out is to give your mind a break from anything REAL.