Identity Crisis

Well pretty much an entire fall has escaped me without a single blog post.  Not that I didn't want to blog - I did.  And not that I didn't think of things to blog about - because I have a list I keep on my phone of ideas.  But due to a multitude of factors, it didn't happen.

I don't know what this blog will end up being.  It's having an identity crisis of sorts.

I still have things I'd like to blog about that are design oriented in nature.  I'm still obsessed with beautiful imagery, photography, lovely kitchens and luxurious bathrooms.

 

Is this not the prettiest room in the universe? Does it not make you happy just to look at it???

But I also have things I'd like to say or share about good mental health.  Since I'm working on becoming a licensed therapist, I have some doubts at times about how much or what I want to say about that given the possible likelihood that future clients may stumble on this blog looking for information.  That could be good, and has the potential to be something positive, but it's something I really need to think more about.  In fact, I need to take a good look at whether I want to keep the blog at all (or if I should just make it private - which of course no one would read and then it would just be a diary, and I have another diary app for that purpose really).

This thought is at the root of how I see therapy - helping clients see and think a little differently so that they have the tools to create solutions in their lives, live life more fully, and have peace.

I've had this blog since 2005 - I'm not too keen to totally give it up really.  It contains a lot of thoughts, feelings and ideas that really represent me and I like the idea that if my grandchildren wanted to know more about me someday, reading my blog might be valuable (sort of - or they would at least know what sort of interior design I really liked back in the "olden" days).

I often feel like blogging parenting advice, because the longer I work with kids in case management the more I feel like I did a pretty good job with my own parenting and I think it might be valuable information sometimes. 

I feel like I could write loads of lists like this...

It's more an abundance of things that I would like to blog about that makes it confusing and difficult to focus in on one thing, rather than a dearth of ideas.  This blog doesn't know what it is anymore because it wants to be too many things and therefore, slowly, is is just quietly humming along with no new posts.

I still get around 200 unique hits per day (way down from the days when I got around 500 per day and largely due to me not posting new posts) and if you check out pinterest you will see many of my blog posts are re-pinned there, and that still happens almost every day too.  There's something oddly satisfying about that which I don't really want to completely give up.  It makes me feel the tiniest bit like a writer (though I know that's a ridiculously crazy way to call myself a writer).

 

Screen shot of my blog posts people "pinned" in the last week or two 

So coming up you may see posts on the adorable nursery my son and daughter in law put together for my (impending!) granddaughter.  Or I might tell you about how to raise children who have a good appreciation for arts and literature.  I might talk with you about the single most important piece of parenting advice I can give anyone.  Or it might be that I'll share some ideas about good mental health. It might be some photography that I decide to blog about.

Or maybe I will still be quiet for a while longer.

But I doubt it.  I feel like I've been quiet quite a bit, and I'm ready to not be quite so quiet anymore.

Why I think it's still okay to tell people to "do what you love"

a short rant on something that's been bugging me for a while...

Recently there have been a few articles, social media commentary, and some backlash in general on the idea of imparting advice to people that they should "do what you love and love what you do".  The reasoning seems to be generally that it is a somewhat snotty idea that people actually have this as an option - that not all of us can be photographers, and film majors, and craft heirloom yak yarn on our wooden spindles while listening to indie folk rock and sipping on $8 Oprah Chai Tea Latte.  Or something like that.  I guess the idea is that only a privileged few get these sorts of options and it is both delusional, and unhelpful to suggest that everyone will have the economic freedom of choosing a career based on what you "love".  Also, there seems to be a bit of a backlash based on the fact that "work" indeed involves (or should) actual "work" and that we should recognize and applaud those who do jobs no one "loves" particularly but which must need to be done because society would literally fall apart if everyone picked "twee" careers like costume design and hand blowing glass because where would we get garbage men?

Mkkkk

But I totally disagree.  And the reason I totally disagree is that it sends a really dumb message to either young people feeling out their futures and to adults who want to go back to school or switch around what they are doing.  The best advice by far is still, and probably always will be, do what you love.  And the reason is relatively simple.  If you do what you love you will likely be good at what you do.  And if you do what you love you will likely be satisfied with your work.  And as well you will likely excel beyond the other people who are also doing that thing - especially if they are not doing it because they love it.  And the biggest reason is probably the dictum if you do what you love you actually work a lot harder but it won't seem so much like work, thereby, increasing your likelihood of further success.

The world is always going to be full of people who hate their jobs, are terrible at their jobs, do a job just for the paycheck, who can't keep a job to save their life, who are never satisfied and who feel totally stuck.  And this is usually due to a variety of reasons and one of them is that they aren't doing what they love, they aren't working towards doing what they love, or they have no idea what they would love.  It's not the only reason - there is some general other issues at place which of course sometimes is lack of opportunity, socioeconomic barriers, and other societal issues.  And while this is always true in the MACRO, it is very rarely true in the MICRO.  And by that I mean that I tell all my economically disadvantaged youth who I case manage to DO WHAT YOU LOVE.  Because there is usually always some way to make that happen.  I see talent and potential in almost everyone -  and yet, very often they believe due to their circumstances, or poor advice their parents give them, or because they don't believe in themselves, that they may be stuck doing things that they don't want to do.  Usually it is a lack of self esteem and the ability to believe in themselves.

I sometimes hear college educated people say "college isn't for everyone".  I mean really?  That sounds about as classicist as anything I've ever heard anyone say.  It's not for everyone but it is for you right?  In my job I very often get to see people's IQ scores.  It is shocking to me how often some poor kid who is doing terrible in school and generally comes from a background where no one has gone to college and no one expects anything from this kid - how often these kids actually have a relatively high IQ score.  These are kids who get told "college isn't for everyone" "school is hard and it's not for everybody".

It's probably true.  School is not for everyone.  Some people really do struggle with school.  But often they have other talents and skills.  It's totally cool if that talent is welding, cooking, dancing or a plethora of other things.  Sometimes school is important and sometimes, less so.  But learning your skill, craft, and honing your talent is always going to be important. 

Someone is always going to be the dude who digs the ditches - either because that dude actually likes digging ditches or because that dude got stuck through a series of circumstances, digging ditches.  Society is never going to just be full of people who play the lute and hand raise goats and make artisinal cheese. But gosh darn it if that's what you want to do, you should totally go for it.  There are always going to be people who will just do a job for the paycheck.

And this is not to say that just because you decided to open up that little antique shop like you always wanted that it's not going to be work.  It sure as heck is going to be work.  Most jobs, no matter how much you like what you're doing, have acumen for it, or are otherwise suited for your career, will be easy.  But it will be easier, than doing something you hate.  The worst day at a job you're well suited for is better than the best day at a job you aren't.

I'm super glad that at the age of 46 I am working towards doing what I really want to do.  It feels good even though it is a challenge.  If I wasn't doing this I can think of at least 3 or 4 other things I also would have loved and probably could have done as well and all of them probably would have been challenging to obtain success at.  But all of them would have been worth it.

Don't let anyone rain on your parade.  Go do what you want, what you love, what interests you, what you're talented at, and what you feel like doing.

Jobs that I think I would have loved besides being a counselor:

art curation/art historian

(this is Jill Dawsey, she's been a curator at the Utah Museum of Fine Arts, SF Museum of Modern Art and Museum of Contemporary Art San Diego.)

Interior Designer

(I've said before I'd like to BE Mary Mcdonald, but if I can't actually be her, I think I also would have loved to be an interior designer who is as successful as her)

boutique owner

 

(Georgeann Bryant owns local Frances Boutique, it is absolutely charming and lovely and when I was younger I used to think I would love owning a boutique - it still sounds appealing, but I think the "business" part of it might be challenging!  Even still, if you have the right personality and skill set, this would be an awesome career)

Fashion Editor

 (well we can't all be Grace Coddington, but what an awesome job!)

Advertising: 

(and we can't all be Don Draper either - BUT, I often believe I could have been good at a career in advertising or marketing, I even like the idea of being the person who does the focus groups and travels all over doing that)

Jury consultant: 

(this always appealed to me I think for the same reason psychology and counseling appeals to me - but in this job you're just figuring people out and making hunches about behavior rather than dealing with them directly.  I still think I'm really good at being able to do this.  I can predict people's behavior pretty accurately)

Writer

(when I was young I really only wanted to be a writer more than anything in the world.)

English or French Teacher:

(last, but certainly not least, I did consider becoming an English or French teacher - I think I would have liked it and been pretty good at it too)


All of the careers I've listed are careers someone might try to talk a person out of for a variety of reasons, either because they seem too hard to achieve, or it's too competitive, or the pay isn't particularly good.  There's always a downside it seems to everything and if there is, you can be sure people will feel they have to let you know what that downside is.

But take heart - there are plenty of upsides!  Decide what you most want and then work hard for it.  SOMEBODY has to do the job or have the career you're dreaming of - it might as well be YOU.

This is a Public Service Announcement

this week a saw girl with a really giant sign on her forearm that said REPENT,  a girl with a purple unicorn, a teen with a saying that was misspelled ("tomarrow may never come"), and a man with a spider web on his face.  so this post is a public service announcement to assist people looking to get a tattoo. 

first off, I don't really want you to get a tattoo. not for some of the reasons you might think, but mostly because I think it's really really hard to know that you are actually going to want something permanent like that. I have art at home that I love, but I am not even sure I'll keep all of it forever you know? so there's that. And then the other thing is there are so many terrible tattoos in the world and I just feel that you don't need to contribute to that trend. and even though you don't think you are going to chose a bad tattoo - well, I am worried that you might anyway. and you won't even know it. not right away. today i saw a woman with elvis on her arm. I'm sure it seemed like a good idea at the time but I can assure you that it was not. so mostly probably if you are thinking of getting a tattoo - maybe don't. but if I can't talk you out of it. here are some that I approve of. I know how condescending and awful that makes me sound. but I don't really care. I just really want to see a world with less bad tattoos. maybe that means no tattoo for you. maybe that means at least get something good if you're going to do it. k? ok.

you know - more like this...

And less like this...

See also HERE

that is all.

OBSESSED...(you say that like it's a bad thing)

Okay so a confession of sorts.

Sometimes I find myself obsessed with something.  Like literally obsessed.

Not in the way that a shoe blogger says "I'm obsessed with these shoes right now" or the adorable Brad Goreski who is so fond of saying things like "I'm obsessed with NEON right now".

Brad Gorseki

Because see, the thing is, they are not talking about really obsessing.

And I'm not talking about it as OCD, obsessive/compulsive disorder, which, although it does qualify as an obsession to wash your hands repeatedly or check to make sure the stove is off, is not really just pure obsession either.

And I'm not talking about the Calvin Klein perfume either.  Which does have some pretty alluring commercials.

No, I'm talking about being so interested in a particular topic or person or television show or whatever that you literally think about it every time you have a free moment.

When I was a legal secretary my boss used to observe that I would occasionally become super pre-occupied like a dog with a bone about something specific.  Finding something that was lost was a big one.  Or trying to figure out how to do something on the computer that we weren't able to do.  It could be anything that captures my weirdly often ADD attention span.  It's like I'm ADD but able to specifically and super focused on one thing while ignoring everything else at the same time.

Sometimes this serves me well.  Like when I'm really really interested in Alfred Adler and his theories and I'm also presenting a power point on him in class that week.  This is like kismet for me - because all the best things converge at the same time and allow me to be actually really good at something that I want to be good at for a moment.  Last week this happened when I presented on Yalom and Existential Theory.  I did the full 20 min presentation with no notes and felt totally 100% confident about my ability to just talk off the cuff about this man and his theories.  It's so great to be in a grad school program that actually caters to my interests.  Seriously.  Who can't love being in school and earning a degree in an area that literally fascinates me to no end.  Sometimes I even get a little anxiety that 2 years plus a year of internship is not nearly enough time to learn everything I want to learn.  (but no, I'm not going to get a PhD - though that would probably also cater to my obsessive characteristics well).

Yalom

But that was last week.  This week, even though I've done my homework, and worked on my talk for church and researched what jobs are available in my field and and worked on my group project - even though I have managed to be semi-productive, I have OBSESSED about Sons of Anarchy and Charlie Hunnam pretty much all week.

Charlie Hunnam

And by obsessed, I mean obsessed.

In every spare moment (and some that I did not have to spare - like giving up sleep to catch up on the show) I have thought about the show, looked up interviews with the writer and the cast, or watched the show.  5 seasons worth of show guys.  I don't even want to get into how many hours that entails or how much sleep I haven't gotten because of it.  I am powerless to resist.  I'm 3 episodes into season 5 and I'm so freaking sad that it will be over in 10 episodes and I'm stuck waiting til like next fall with all the other schmucks for it to start up again.

I did this once before with Mad Men.  I watched all four or five seasons of that show last year in pretty much a week.  It was totally crazy pants.  And I obsessed over Don Draper too.

Don Draper/John Hamm

I have not a clue what this says about my personality.

I used to feel really bad about being such an intensely curious person.  Because I think that describes my obsession - I just get super interested in a specific thing and really really curious and I can't stop myself from gorging on information about whatever that thing is.  I used to think this was a personality flaw.

My old boss used to say he wished he could dictate what my obsession could be - he would remark on my inattention to certain details while spending too much time on things he could have honestly cared less about.

It's a problem sort of I guess.

But I choose to embrace it.

Hopefully soon I'll become obsessed with ethics in mental healthcare (one of my classes) rather than a tv show about outlaw bikers.

But I'll enjoy this face in the meantime.

Two Years Apart

I don't usually blog about my kids.  But today I was looking through some photos and struck by the number of times it has been captured on film this sibling thing that borders on love/hate.  Oh they love each other.  They also love to annoy each other.  Mostly they get along better than a parent could wish for.

Having two kids 2 and under is kind of tough on a mom - when they are little - but is sure if fun to watch them grow up together.

Adult ADD...and how pinterest isn't helping

I keep talking about this but I really think maybe I have this Adult ADD thing - I'm not even sure I'm joking anymore.

Or maybe we ALL have this thing now because flippetyflapjack, our lives are so BUSY.

Right?

I told someone the other day that I'm ashamed of my former younger self who could not quite figure out what older women with older kids actually DID with their time. I mean once you have no diapers to change and your kids are practically fully functioning adults, it seemed to me that your time would be your own and well...what the heck are those ladies doing?  Especially the ones who don't work?

Geez.  Honestly, I had no clue.

Now that I'm a single mom that kind of adds to the stack of stuff I do.  When you're married there is one other person around the house to pick up slack.  You can say "Hey would you mind _________?"  I mean it might be as simple as picking something up from the store the that you forgot, or making a phone call, or moving a hose or cleaning out the pool filter.  They are all little things.  But they add up.

What was my point?

My point was that my head swims like this on a daily basis:

1.  I've got to understand linear regression by monday.  And why do they talk in so many double negatives in statistics?  Rejecting the null - failing to reject the null?  What does that even really say "failing to reject" which means you kept it.  But the null itself indicates a false thing or meaning your assumption is false...so that means you are keeping your assumption that your other assumption is false.  ARG....english double negatives...

2.  Did Brennan say he had an english paper?  I think he did and it's sitting here on the counter...why didn't he take that with him?  I need to text him in case he doesn't realize he left it...where is my phone...

3.  oh yeah, I think I forgot to make my phone payment...where is that bill...

4.  shoot, water bill needs to be paid...

5.  water...I have got to figure out how to get those sprinklers fixed...I need to email that guy...what did I do with that email address is that on my gmail?

6.  gmail...oh yeah, I was going to email everyone who said they would help with the wedding....

7.  wedding...I need to see where I found those photos of that idea for desserts on pinterest...

8.  pinterest...

(____________30 minutes later________________)

9.  Shoot...where was I?  Oh yeah...linear regression.

This just goes on all the time.  I have to force myself to stay in my bedroom and leave my phone and the computer in the other room or I get distracted too easily (for those of you who get frustrated trying to get in touch with me...sorry, this is why).

The future is now...

Remember back in the day when you had to find out stuff by looking them up in the encyclopedia britannica? I was trying to explain that whole concept to my kids an they just could not understand this idea of buying a book - nay, a VOLUME of expensive books in which you would have to look stuff up for reports or if you wanted information.  My kids said "How would that even work wouldn't it be outdated soon?"  and "Weird."  Because my children cannot imagine a world without the internet and all it's information being at their fingertips.

And honestly, I almost can't imagine that anymore either.  And yet the majority of my youth was spent without any notion of this idea whatsoever.

I like to tell my kids the story of when I was at BYU in 1987 - there was this guy named Dave and he was a computer major (of what sort I can't recall...computer engineering or something) and he was one of the only people I knew who actually had a computer in his dorm room and he explained to us that he was talking with one of his friends on the computer while he was sitting at his desk.  I mean the concept of email was just this weird foreign concept.  I remember we were like kind of laughing at him behind his back.  We were saying "Dave...you've heard of phones right?  Couldn't you just like CALL him?"  We thought we were so hilarious.  He was trying to explain this new thing called the internet and email and we just were comparing him to guys that are into ham or cb radios.  Big nerds and no one else is ever going to care about that except other big nerds.

I kind of look like an idiot now.  It must have been frustrating for him to know all this information that he was trying to share with us and we just didn't get it at all.  I know by about 1992 I had email myself.

We certainly never thought everyone would have cell phones and that we would be able to text each other.

The future is now, is how it kind of feels to me a lot of the time.  The future looked so different and well..."futurey" when I was a kid.  It looked kind of like Star Wars or something.  And it turns out the future looks a lot like the past except with cool gadgets.  We aren't all wearing polyester jump suits like Captain Kirk.

I kinda like the future.  I have no idea what my kids future is going to look like but I doubt it will have polyester jumpsuits in it either.

I'm not all that sentimental about most things really  - I don't lament the demise of the encyclopedia britannica at all.  But at the same time there is something really cool about SOME old school things.

Bookstores:

How gorgeous is this bookstore in Holland?  I LOVE a cool bookstore.  I hope that iPads and nooks and amazon.com don't become so popular that we ever reach a point where we don't want actual books and when we don't have cool bookstores like these

(another cool book store in Paris France)

Who doesn't love the smell of old books?  You can't replace that with an e-reader.

One thing the computer has effectively done away with is the typewriter.  I would LOVE to find one like this.

If I see one like this I have to buy it.  Just for nostalgia's sake.  

Granted, typing on a computer is so much easier.  You can fix a mistake a million times faster and more efficiently!  But still.  There was something great about learning to type like this (which is how I learned, Thanks Miss Singleton and Miss Gray - possibly one of the best and most useful "Skills" I ever learned in my secondary education).  Holden bought one of these old ones in a case the other day at a rummage sale because it was "cool".  I mean, I don't know who uses these, but it seems like we should never totally quit using them.  Just for the sake of coolness.  Actually Woody Allen still types all his stuff on an old black typewriter.  

I also really love these, and will totally buy one if it comes in a cool color.  In fact Jordan and I have bent talking about maybe getting our phone line back.  It just doesn't make that much sense when we all carry cell phones around all the time - I eliminated the home line a couple of years ago and I really haven't missed it that much.  But I'd like to get one back if only to have a working rotary dial in the house again.

Is there stuff you miss from the past?